I’d Like to Thank the Academy: theories on climbing the intellectual ladder

What does it mean to be a cultural intellect? How does knowledge exhibit social status, privilege, and in any case, importance? I’d like to point back to a rather unlikely source…Flemish curiosity paintings from the 1600-1700s. Rather unexpected…but nevertheless it can possibly be connected to the emergence of the music “mash-up”, the likes of GirlTalk and the Hood Internet.

Painting in the Netherlands from 1600-1700 saw growth in two very different directions: large scale religious iconography, and small curiosity paintings. The resurgence of religious iconography had a lot to do with the Catholic Counter-Reformation in response to Lutheran criticism of iconoclasm in the late 1500’s. Catholicism was re-instated as a religious power due to Catholic Spain’s takeover of Southern Netherlands.  Small scale paintings and woodcuts in general were seen as a forte of Netherlandish artists…Italians controlled the market for large-scale ceilings and altarpieces. Southern Netherlands saw an increase in trade and international exposure due to their relation with the Hapsburg Dynasty, which accounts for two developments: the increased appeal and value of traditional Netherlandish “small-scale” art, and the development of a new social class, the merchants.

The merchants, now with their sufficiently increased wealth due to international trade, were interested in using their wealth to elevate their social status. Merchants began to commission artists as early as 1614 to depict intimate paintings of their material wealth, which would then be discussed and displayed with guests. Why not just set up a room with all of your rare possessions? Because they wanted to show they were well-connected and wealthy enough to pay for a famous contemporary artist from their time, such as Peter Paul Rubens or Willem van Haecht.

Now, for how this connects to intellect: the ‘curiosity’ painting, though occasionally meant to illustrate an encyclopedic, indexical record of the merchant’s belongings, also included other paintings by famous artists from the time, even if the merchant did not own it himself. So, the painting of paintings became a game: just how many of the miniatures will you be able to name?

Willem van Haecht. Collection of Cornelius van der Geest. 1628.

Every painting and sculpture in “Collection of Cornelius van der Geest” is a recognizable masterpiece, and it was considered a symbol of status, intellect, and privilege to be able to name them all. Also, what should be mentioned about this painting is the fact that every person’s face is a miniature, recognizable portrait of a courtier/merchant/royalty who had visited van der Geest at some time in his life. (So not only is the painting a commodity, but the friendship of nobility was as well). For example, the man in the large crowd, to the right of the painting (and gesturing with his left hand) is Cornelius van der Geest himself.  While I recognize, personally, several of the statues from the Villa Borghese in Rome (which points to the fact that van der Geest did not own all of the artwork depicted) the only other painting that sticks out at the moment is the Battle of the Amazons by Rubens in the far left corner. Here is a larger example:

P.P. Rubens. Battle of the Amazons. 1618.

Naming paintings/people/sculptures within another painting was a courtly game. The Spanish king and queen had paintings done of their vast collection. Being able to participate in the game elevated you to an intellectual status of nobility, and also inducted you into a guild specifically for intellectual and appreciative art supporters, the Guild of St. Luke’s.

After a very long winded history lesson…now how does this relate to pop culture knowledge today? For starters, an ability to catch “references” in films, television, advertisements, and music has become a mark of cultural mastery. Being able to identify duplications and origination is valued even more, such as recognizing that a song is a cover of an original song from the 80’s, or an advertisement that uses the signature Warhol 4-paneled silkscreen effect. And let’s not forget the music mash-up…artists like GirlTalk have been especially masterful at whittling a recognizable song down to just two or three bars of accompaniment, overlaying it with several other bursts of songs, and then moving on to the next. While always fascinated with the technical skill and composition of these pieces, we always find ourselves trying to name the songs that we recognize, and search for the songs that we don’t. And because it is near impossible to look up the songs that GirlTalk uses based on one or two beats, the only way to become a well-rounded, pop culture intellect is to expose yourself to as much music as you possibly can outside of the song, and then return to it. We have it easier, with the help of the internet…in 17th century Netherlands the equivalent of a wikipedia search for “Borghese” meant an actual trip to Rome. Not saying that’s a bad thing…

Goals and How to Reach Them: The Pyramid Theory

Instead of looking at what types of classes I like and (fingers crossed) molding them in to a job post-graduation, I am going to categorize by the end result (top goal/job/personality trait) and what types of requirements or preparations I need to reach that goal. Of course there are problems with this (since I am close to halfway up several of these pyramids, and can only hazily see what I need to complete the rest) but at least it should help me outline beneficial classes for the rest of my Brown career, and help me focus my studies, jobs, and extra curricular responsibilities. How scientific of me!

I’m breaking my potential, budding personality, in to 4 categories: 1. The Preservationist 2. The Creator 3. The Academic Rockstar 4. The Lawyer. Some are more abstract than others, but here are the general details, and classes that are beneficial for all:

1. The Preservationist: future job in art conservation or restoration either in a museum or privately owned company, needs a 3-4 year master degree in specific medium of art conservation (sculpture, painting, photography, etc) and undergraduate science/chemistry experience. Potential Programs: 3.5 year program at NYU in conjunction with the Metropolitan Museum of Art, 3 year program at University of Delaware (cheaper, probably).

+ Classes +

Introductory Chemistry/ Organic Chemistry/ Inorganic Chemistry

French 40/50/60

Printmaking at RISD

Florentine and Tuscany Art/ Flemish Art

+ Job +

Something at List Art Slide Library or in conservation of books/donations at the Rock

The Creator: future job in web design, advertising, or electronic writing (blogs, fashion, news), double major in art history and literary arts or art history BA with capstone Literary Arts, highly skilled in programming, computers, animation, film, arts, graffiti. No significant need for graduate-level education, unless it was an MFA program.

+ Classes +

French 40/50/60

Intro to Animation

Cinematic Imaginations of Time: MCM Film Theory Class (in preparation for video production in the spring)

Art and Utopia in the 1960’s (upper level art history seminar)

5th class: Linguistic Theory/ Literary Theory class

**for the future: electronic writing/literary theory classes

+ Job +

Volunteering at the Children’s Museum, working for blogs

The Academic Rockstar: BA in art history, MA in public humanities in 5 year program, future work in administration/curatorial work at museum or public arts initiative, teaching and writing books on art presentation and exhibitions.

+ Classes +

French 40/50/60

Art and Utopia in the 1960’s

Intro to Public Humanities

not sure of 4th class. Probably another american civilization/anthropology course, maybe an MCM course. Something on material cultures. See: ANTH 1621: Material Culture

+ Job +

curatorial work at the Children’s Museum, volunteer work there or at List exhibitions

The Lawyer: finish out a BA in art history at Brown, go to the 2-3 year Sotheby’s Education Program in London in Art Business, work at an auction house or in art law and valuation in NYC or London (potential for international work).

+ Classes +

Introductory Principles of Economics

French 40/50/60

Florentine and Tuscany Art in the 15th Century/ Flemish Art

some anthropology/MCM/american civilization class in material culture, like ANTH 1621: Material Culture

**for future reference: independent research project in art law and valuation

+ Job +

working in conservation at the Library, or at exhibits at the Children’s Museum or List Art Gallery.

Well it’s nice to get that typed out…now I just need to figure out what to do with the rest of my life.

How Should I get my Hair cut?

Number 1:

Number 2:

Number 3: (not really…I was forced, for comparison sake)

Number 4:

I’m beginning to see a pattern: short, chunky, fun, bob-ish. And I know Maggie G isn’t the most attractive of beings, but her face (shape) is probably the most similar to mine of all the actresses on this page, and I thought that was a good barometer of complimentary hairstyles. Plus, her hair color is similar. Thoughts?

How the Elephant Grew It’s Trunk: And other silly titles created over Skype conversation

NOTE :: Everything you are about to read here was created in a conversation over Skype that completed less than 20 minutes ago, between me and Zachary McCune, longtime comedian and manpower extraordinaire of Newport, RI. It had to be documented, for obvious reasons, including the sheer brilliance of many possible song/band/book/memoir titles imagined. Do enjoy.

Zachary McCune
radical aesthetic
12:33 AM
or tyrannical anesthetic
12:34 AM
radikal aesthetik
Colleen Brogan
12:34 AM
how about abnormal antiseptic?
Zachary McCune
12:34 AM
aboriginal anus
Colleen Brogan
12:35 AM
or eccentric histimatic
Zachary McCune
12:35 AM
avant-gay
Colleen Brogan
12:35 AM
avant-no way
Zachary McCune
12:35 AM
avant-retard
12:35 AM
avant-tarde
Colleen Brogan
12:35 AM
avant-apres?
Zachary McCune
12:36 AM
the future of later
12:36 AM
“the future of later”
Colleen Brogan
12:36 AM
ur my future, later ((today))
Zachary McCune
12:36 AM
i keep typing it cuz it looks prettier unsaid
12:36 AM

tru
Colleen Brogan
12:36 AM
wurds r bootiful
Zachary McCune
12:36 AM
the ecology of field mice
Colleen Brogan
12:37 AM
haha
12:37 AM
slinky bo-dinky
Zachary McCune
12:37 AM
sensations from a global orgasm
Colleen Brogan
12:37 AM
errplane
12:37 AM
**saved
Zachary McCune
12:37 AM
i have low battery
12:37 AM
the band
Colleen Brogan
12:38 AM
giddy-yap
Zachary McCune
12:38 AM
bitchslap
12:38 AM
(a metal band)
Colleen Brogan
12:38 AM
(porn memoir)
Zachary McCune
12:38 AM
we’re with the wookie
12:39 AM
catching seals
Colleen Brogan
12:39 AM
Aeeerrrraghhhhhhhh
Zachary McCune
12:39 AM
i was a captured seal
Colleen Brogan
12:39 AM
(and I escaped)
Zachary McCune
12:39 AM
who escaped becuz my masters feared my ror
12:40 AM
ror!
Colleen Brogan
12:40 AM
meepmeep
Zachary McCune
12:40 AM
i was mewtwo
12:41 AM
but then got married, and became mew-chu
12:41 AM
of pens and pussywillows
Colleen Brogan
12:41 AM
Remus Lupin killed my goat
Zachary McCune
12:42 AM
dumbledore was wrong
Colleen Brogan
12:42 AM
one two many toopence
Zachary McCune
12:42 AM
when i checked out your profile, i thought you were gay
12:42 AM
i saw a compact disc the other day, and was like:
Colleen Brogan
12:42 AM
stop trying to be eccentric with your religious views
Zachary McCune
12:43 AM

wow, cd’s = hilarious
Colleen Brogan
12:43 AM
transistor radios are my orgasm
12:43 AM
**climax take your pick
Zachary McCune
12:43 AM
because peter jumped first, how i survived falling from the golden gate bridge
Colleen Brogan
12:43 AM
nosehairs beware!!
Zachary McCune
12:44 AM
or we could buy a cougar, a memoir of when good things went bad
12:44 AM
or we could buy a goat, a memoir of when good things went baaaaaad
12:45 AM
icouldn’tthinkofagooddomainsoiboughtthisone
12:45 AM
.com
Colleen Brogan
12:45 AM
Frank Lloyd Wrong: Modern Architecture meets it’s maker
Zachary McCune
12:45 AM
we were naked
12:45 AM
when the cops came in
Colleen Brogan
12:45 AM
now we aren’t?
Zachary McCune
12:46 AM
which is how things got complicated
12:46 AM
not wearing clothes is not being naked
12:46 AM
(direct quote from crackers politician)
Colleen Brogan
12:46 AM

It’s this threesome here that totally didn’t pull their weight: a beginners guide to Jenga
Zachary McCune
12:46 AM
when my bananas go nuts, a life in produce
Colleen Brogan
12:47 AM
who ate the batteries? and other questions to ask as a first-time parent
Zachary McCune
12:48 AM
when goodnight moon, wouldn’t go quietly
Colleen Brogan
12:48 AM
whaaa?
12:48 AM
bizarro
12:48 AM
ur kute tho
12:48 AM
so s’ok
12:48 AM

Zachary McCune
12:49 AM
snipers on the roof, astronauts in the jungle, indians ate my little brother, mom and dad are dead, hooray! my life as an imagination
12:49 AM
don’t you love the idea of a personfied imagination?
Colleen Brogan
12:50 AM
cheata
12:50 AM
(mi lif in the bronx)
Zachary McCune
12:50 AM
i was a dream, and then my life became a nightmare
12:50 AM
staying clean, my life as bleach
Colleen Brogan
12:51 AM
text massage: you’ve never felt this intimate with technology. Ever.
Zachary McCune
12:51 AM
a wave remembers: no one tells you how much the sand hurts
12:52 AM
boobs: fucking awesome. always. forever. forever. forreal. no lie. amazing.
Colleen Brogan
12:52 AM
Ginkgo Gods and Wheatgrass Wonkies
Zachary McCune
12:52 AM
just your boobs baby, i promise, my life as a boyfriend
12:54 AM

Zachary McCune
12:54 AM
awkward, my life az zack
Colleen Brogan
12:55 AM
u beat me to it
12:55 AM
Rocks as pets and other such social maladies: the Chia pet franchise and it’s demise
Zachary McCune
12:56 AM
my rock is my friend, a solid idea
12:56 AM
puns, funnier in print
12:56 AM
punnns, funnier when you say pussy
Colleen Brogan
12:56 AM
Solid Gold: How to get abs like Michael Phelps
12:57 AM
sorry to take it back to PG, friends. There’s kids present.
Zachary McCune
12:57 AM
sex, is what the commercial is always about
12:58 AM
i live in a car: i am a cupholder
Colleen Brogan
12:58 AM
How the Playboy Mansion grew it’s ears: MTV Urban Legends
12:58 AM
Is mi snapple fact fur reel?

Zachary McCune
12:59 AM
if cupholders could talk, they would tell you they hate you and the $4 hot coffee you spilled on them
12:59 AM
my cupholder to me: we are NOT friends, contrary to popular opinion
Colleen Brogan
12:59 AM
Cardboard cup sleeves: The condom of coffee beverages
Zachary McCune
1:00 AM
when the internet decided it hated me, my life on the outside
1:00 AM
condoms: everyone has fun except us
Colleen Brogan
1:00 AM
Open-air oil drilling market: hey, if the farmers have one every Saturday, why can’t we?
1:01 AM
i wonder if this is how sex, drugs, and cocoa puffs came to be?
Zachary McCune
1:01 AM
if the effiel tower was a sorbet it would be kiwi, my life as french sorbet
1:01 AM
catapaults cooler than coyotes, new study finds
Colleen Brogan
1:01 AM
TransTalk: When GirlTalk decided to cater to both sides of the coin
Zachary McCune
1:02 AM
my pen, is, on my mind frequently
1:02 AM
a confession
Colleen Brogan
1:02 AM
yes?
Zachary McCune
1:02 AM
ferrari swtich gears your legs hit the chandaliers
Colleen Brogan
1:02 AM
bless me father, for I have sinned
Zachary McCune
1:03 AM
when i type, panties drop
Colleen Brogan
1:03 AM
when I type, boys go up
Zachary McCune
1:03 AM
between the legs, “this is where the magic happens”
1:04 AM
water, better than piss, not comparable to beer
Zachary McCune
1:04 AM
things i’m not going to blog about, how i discovered propriety
Colleen Brogan
1:05 AM
and how my girlfriend does not abide by it)
Zachary McCune
1:05 AM
don’t call it a comeback, call it return of the mack
Colleen Brogan
1:06 AM
200,000 frowns form a wrinkle
1:06 AM
under the boredwalk: living at the jersey shore
1:06 AM
BED???? (how annoying my girlfriend is)
Zachary McCune
1:06 AM
but i love her

the plan is [bang!] - how things went terribly wrong

Bloody hell of a job, Radcliffe. But wait…

The Signifying Practice of What I received for my 20th Birthday, and why I am so damn pissed

For my 20th birthday, my parents gave me a framed picture of my boyfriend and I that was printed in the newspaper September 2007, and a T-shirt from the restaurant I worked at last summer, Union Park, with the tagline “culinary orgasms nightly” and a phone number printed on the back. Over cake my father informed the family that he had picked out the chocolate mousse cake with my youngest brother in mind (because he doesn’t like normal cake), and what a steal it had been! It was only $6 at the local Superfresh.Let me just say, only immediate family was invited to the “celebration”. The reason, for my sparse 5 additional relatives NOT being invited, was because the cake was too tiny to share, according to my Mother.

After getting over the initial shock, dismay, outrage, and embarrassment, I began to find the presents, among other things, offering quite a platform for semiotic and Freudian theory. Me, being the oldest of 6, and the only one in college (having just finished my second year), am physically, psychologically, socially, and intellectually drifting away from the family sphere. And who should be introduced as the “new” family? My wonderful boyfriend and friends at school, of course. No doubt the “genetic” family feels replaced at least in proximity by the “social” family at college. The framing and preservation of a signifier of the “social” family (i.e., the photo of me and my boyfriend from the newspaper) could be seen as a gesture to integrate the two families. However, by framing the photograph, the “social” family becomes more of a spectacle. It is a signifier restrained to be scrutinized and examined, therefore making the relation between the two families unbalanced and unable to last.

On to the “culinary orgasms nightly” T-Shirt. One point that I did not mention in the photograph interrogation was the threat of sexuality in an under-sexualized home. As a 20 year old rising junior college student with a steady boyfriend of nearly two years, developing sexuality, experimentation, and adulthood could not be more threatening. Let me also point out that in my household, I am the oldest of 6 children, the next being a junior in high school and the youngest just 7 years old. In terms of sexuality, let this be an example: the youngest believes that lying in bed with a boy (if you are a girl) or a girl (if you are a boy) is sex and you will get pregnant and have babies. The oldest understands what sex is, but has never dated anyone, though there were a few crushes.

So, the median sexual development of my family on a whole is around 11 years old, first-kiss with a little groping max, which leaves my parents highly unequipped for dealing with steady boyfriends. Of course they are not naive (they had 6 children of their own, after all) but, after many quiet months carting kids to and from soccer practice, doing the laundry, taking out the trash, buying and selling houses, taking care of sick family, etc…the sudden presence of Absentee College Gal with Boy Toy in Tow is not exactly a day-to-day exercise. Perhaps, then, the questionable T-Shirt is a little basic recognition of relativity: “hey! Our college kids birthday is coming up/ Hey!! She goes to a liberal, progressive college! They probably talk about sex there a lot!/ Hey! There’s a t-shirt that has “orgasm” written on the back! It’s sure to be a laugh!”.

And that’s that.

Maybe I’m reading too much in to the sexuality thing. Relating back to the framing/integration technique with the photo, Union Park Restaurant was where I worked last summer when I lived away from home. Perhaps, by giving me yet another present that relates back to the summer past, it was another attempt of the “genetic” family to integrate a recognizable part of the College Student’s development of individualism. My father was also the person who got me the job at this restaurant, so there is an undertone of “I got you this job last summer, and I bought you the T-shirt to remind you of how I am a vital part of your success and you would be nothing without me”.

What can I say? I’m shoddy at conclusions. This is what I received for my 20th birthday. Though it is utterly fascinating now, do not doubt for a second that I have not been crying for the past two and a half days over the event, and particularly the Dibs-size, meant-for-the-bro-not-for-me cake. That one hurt.

Pollution, Powerplants, and Ponies

an article by the NY Times on the extensive extra work that Equestrian Olympians have had to put in to making sure their horses don’t die from exposure to unsuspecting toxins before they compete in Beijing. Sounds like more of an advantage for the uncontaminated (note: immune) horses than Natalie Coughlin’s spacesuit technology swimsuit, but then again, Secretariat has never gotten as much press at Speedos. Promise more will be written on this in the days to come:

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/08/03/sports/olympics/03horses.html?_r=1&ex=1218427200&en=30b9a32e07fd0fbc&ei=5070&emc=eta1&oref=slogin

i approve this message, because I think it’s totally hot

Thank god for Meryl Streep

I’m not going to play prim on this one: if I ever get afraid of growing old or unsure of how to stay cheery and confident in the face of all hell and evil, watching Meryl Streep dance around in overalls to ‘Dancing Queen’ will never fail to serve as a pick-me-up. And don’t try to be my friend 30 years from now unless you fully understand that THIS is what our lives will be like:

SEE: Office Heels

you know it's big when there's an indie film mockumentary.

The fetish of the closet secretary has never been more apparent in my life than when I typed “office high heels” in to my Google search engine less than 30 minutes ago. Next to the images of Manolo Blahnik’s, Jimmy Choos, and knock-offs on eBay, were almost an equal amount of “office sluts” in various degrees of nudity. All, of course, wearing heels, either visible as they crouched down seductively on their chair, revealed their private regions from a pedestal-ian angle, or legs akimbo on an office desk

Sparks of revelation, I’d say. All I wanted was to write about “appropriate” high heels for the office place, but now the gender codes and linguistic realities were taking on a whole different direction. For one, let’s just interrogate why Manolo Blahnik’s, already a cliche stamp of promiscuity thanks to Sex in the City, are considered appropriate for the office.

For one, do not give the shoes too much credit: the most promiscuous and sexual part of Manolos is the name and nothing else. What average man (or woman, for that matter) can spot a Manolo when they see one? But when a woman buys Manolos, she (and only she!) understands the character of the shoes and recognizes them as a sexual indicator, and then she initiates their character, promiscuity, and value every time she wears them. Is it the shoes fault?

the incriminators.